Y'all know I had to blog this one....and since I can't use the real name of this pathetic version of a daddy, let's just call him "Dick"! Okay, Roll the tape! ...I was having lunch with one of my girlfriends who happens to have two beautiful children! Anyway, this girlfriend of mine is a wonderful mother & has been raising two kids on her own since her ex-husband "Dick", slithered off to Atlanta for a new life. Classic scenario? not really - Pathetic scenario? most definitely! In any case, "Dick" has decidely morphed into the preferred role of "mistah outta-site", and believe me, he wears it with a badge of honor! "Dick" is outta site for birthdays, basketball games, performances, plays...u name it - and although you'd never know this by the excitement on his kids faces...we already know!!! Okay, fast forward! ..."Mr. Dick" outdid himself this Christmas...and I just had to tell it! "Dick" had been promising to send the kids a Christmas gift. After mailing the package, "Dick" made more phone calls in a 2 week period, than he's made to the kids in an average month! Text messages, emails and phone calls were abound day after day after day after day..."Did you get the package..."did you get the package"..."did you get the DAMN PACKAGE"!!!! After so many inquiries about the package, my girlfriend and her kids were now anticipating the second coming! Yep...we got the damn package, Dick!!! ...okay, so package arrives! ...kids pumped...eyes poppin'...paper rippin'...hearts racin'...all to get to the lovely gift inside!! ...and there it was... one bag of Funyun's, one bag of Twizzlers, one bag of Snickers and some cheap ass dollar store candy!!! y'all....if i'm lyin', i'm flyin'!! WHO DA-THOUGHT "Dick" COULD BE SO CLEVER! C'mon now, doesn't every kid want a bag of Funyun's for Christmas????

Remember the game called "How many things can you find wrong with this picture"?

LET'S GET READY TO PLAY!!!!